breath. relax. slow down

Why is it so hard for me to do that?

Everyday I find myself doing doing doing.  But doing what?

She came to me the other day and said to me, "Mami lets go play outside!"  We did.  I thank her for allowing me to slow down.

In my head all these "to do's" were racing around:  What am I going to make for dinner?  I haven't called my best friend back.  I need to make some aprons.  Am I ready for my next show?  When do I volunteer at my nenes school this week? and on and on and on.

Stop.  Breath. Relax. Slow down.

There is a lovely handmade key chain my best friend sent me last year for my birthday.  It says, BREATH.   I often look at it and remind my self to do so.  (Thank you comadre.)

Stop. Breath. Relax. Slow down.

I did just that on Tuesday.  I had errand to run, club meeting to attend, posts to write, phone calls to make, things to sew,  dishes to wash and loads of laundry to wash.  I chose to slow down. (If you follow me on FB, I'm sure you read my simple post:  Sometimes all you need is to slow down.) 

She and I played, watched a movie together.  Took a nap.  Relaxed. It was nice.  But at the end of the day I felt guilty.  Guilty that I put on hold so many things that needed to be done.   Seriously, why do I feel guilty?  Why can't I just enjoy the here and now and relax with my spunky nena? 

Then yesterday came and went and all I did was do and do and do. She came to me and said, "Mami, let's play!"  I can't right now, is what I responded.  "Mami, sit with me."  Not now mija

And then I felt guilty.  Because once again I was doing doing and doing and not taking the time to stop, breath, and slow down. 

Guilt.  It is such a vicious cycle.  Guilt for doing and guilt for not doing.  Sigh.

But I am constantly reminded, thanks to them, that I do need to slow down.  I do need to relax.  Even if just one breath at a time.